WKU Rallies Late

Story by: M. Blake Harrison

“Our players couldn’t help but feed off the fan energy,” Josh Raymer said gratefully in reference to the crowd at Western’s home opener against UK.

It was that energy which propelled Western to a 1-0 start in its third year of competitive dodgeball.

Western, who played host to just its second-ever home game Sunday afternoon, was welcomed by upwards of 150 fans at the Preston Health & Activities Center on main campus.

The raucous crowd looked on as the Toppers took a commanding 1-0 lead to start the contest.

With the lead, Western zeroed in on their second point as UK lost men rapidly.

Finally down to one opponent, Western sophomore Luke “The Sideline Assassin” Gilliam nailed UK’s final hope to tie the match at one apiece.

With a commanding 2-0 lead, Raymer, who serves as the Hilltoppers’ head coach, chose to sub in some younger players for the third point, which they lost.

“We really just lost track of our game plan after awhile,” Raymer said. “Our level of play wasn’t as strong.”

UK won the fourth point to knot the game at 2-2 by the end of regulation.

The fact that the Toppers finished the half up 2-1 and tied 2-2 at the end of regulation highlighted the impact of Gilliam’s play early in the first half.

“It looks a lot better now than it did at the time,” Gilliam said after the match. “Little points like that can make all the difference.”

With 10 minutes of overtime to decide the outcome of the match, Western’s cheering section rose to the occasion.

With chants of “Let’s go Western,” and “T-O-P-S, TOPS, TOPS, TOPS” in the background, the home team prevailed.

WKU eliminated their final opponent with time to spare, sending a message to future foes:  Don’t mess with the Tops in Preston.

Freshman fan Joshua Amos summed up the crowd’s mentality, “With the fans behind them, I knew they could pull it off.”

The Noob Report

Story by: Kris Wright

Starting a new dodgeball club at your school may be the hardest part of dodgeball as a whole. Really. Because you have no club, then you have no team, and if you have no team, you can’t play, and that’s where the fun is.

Working on starting my second team, I have learned the do’s and don’ts of this process and how to keep a team running. Here are just a few things to remember when trying to start your club.

1. Advertise
By advertise I don’t mean go buy an ad in the school paper, I mean print out flyers and post them EVERYWHERE around your campus. Put them in every floor of every building and dorm, anywhere people will be so they can see that you’ve made a club.

2. Recruit
Not only do you need flyers, but you must also talk to anyone interested. Make announcements before or after class, in the student center and anywhere there is a large group. But make sure you’re professional about it or no one will take you seriously. Also, talk with athletes that play sports that aren’t in season, like basketball players in the fall or football players in the winter, and make the argument that dodgeball is a great way to stay active in their offseason.

3. Be Professional
When dealing with your school’s campus life and starting your club, don’t just “get around to it whenever.” Schedule meetings, check up on your club’s status and make sure you know everything there is to know to get your club started and off the ground. When going to meetings, don’t go in your hoodie and sweats. Instead, try a polo and jeans. Looking the part could make all the difference, and if your campus life director thinks that you don’t look or act the part, they may not approve your club, which means no dodgeball for you.

4. Fundraise
My final point is that you must fundraise in order to get anywhere with your team, especially if club fees and dues don’t cut it. If you need to fundraise, you have two good choices to raise money for your team. You can either really fundraise by going door to door selling candy or pizza kits or you can sell advertising space. Find any local businesses that regularly sponsor other college activities and start there by selling space on a science board or just plain poster board. This usually works better if you can get some home games, but brainstorm some other ideas that will entice businesses to advertise with you.

Starting your club is probably the hardest and most time consuming part of the dodgeball process, but stick with it and you’ll have a club that’s playing games in a matter of no time.

DWC and beyond

Well the DWC ended a long time ago and nothing surprising happened. The girls team almost won a round but we didn’t and the other team I was on got to the second round. I am really writing to you wonderful people today because I’m a little frustrated. My team has had a few practices so far and I am the only girl on the team…not even new girls came in when we did our big recruitment.

Most of the reactions I’ve been getting is the whole, “I don’t want to get hurt and I won’t be good so why bother.” That’s a whole bunch of bullshit. There are guys that come out that can barely throw a ball but they still come and have a good time. It’s upsetting to see strong women who are too scared to play a game for whatever stupid reason that project in their minds. What most women don’t realize is that we hold a power by being underestimated. The guys on opposing teams will consider us an easy out but we may have some fight in us. The women in colleges need to step up and become the secret weapon for their team and become a part of the great sport of Dodgeball.

Six questions with AJP’s Hosts

Wondering just who Jazzy’s put at the helm of the NCDA’s beloved Average Joes Podcast? Let’s find out. What follows are six questions designed to introduce our new hosts in a way that only college dodgeball could pull off. What also follows? Utter hilarity.

1. What aspect of college dodgeball was most surprising to you when you first got involved with the game?

Alex: How serious the game was. I was expecting a whole lot of goofing off and no real organization. I was impressed by the degree of planning and organization involved.
Zac: Definitely the intensity. I never thought the level of competitiveness would be as high as it is.

2. What are you hoping to bring to Average Joes’ Podcast that will help make the show the greatest podcast in history?

Alex: I hope to keep the show informative and entertaining. I think humor is the best way to broadcast news so that’s what I’ll shoot for.
Zac: Besides my awesome good looks and sexual voice, nothing. I kid. I would have to say my insight into a game that has long befuddled critics, skeptics, and scholars alike. College Dodgeball is a peculiar game, and I am a peculiar man.

3. Which would you rather see during a dodgeball game: a sick headshot or a sick shot to the groin? If you were playing, which would you rather have happen to you?

Alex: Hmm… Groin shots are classic but a head shot can leave a more visible mark. I would have to say groin shot only because of the possibility that crying or vomiting could occur.
Zac: Groin. Way funnier. Every guy hates to admit that a shot to the business is hilarious, but no man wants to take one… so I would take a doming before a groin shot.

4. When the podcast finally hits the big time and we’re raking in the millions, what’s your plan of action for all that dough? Are you splurging on a mansion and nice cars? Buying your own sports franchise? How do you spend the money?

Alex: Two words… Playboy Mansion.
Zac: Probably savvy investing, and a decent ride. Nice penthouse in Nashville too, I would think.

5. What’s your most embarrassing moment?

Alex: Walking into a girls bathroom in a movie theatre. Made it all the way to the stalls before I realized I was surrounded by chicks. So I just made a confused face and said “Nope she’s not in here” and left very quickly.

6. What do you want to be when you grow up?

Alex: Two words… Hugh Hefner.

7.  Let’s pretend you’re a big time sports announcer now. What sport would you be covering and what would be your signature catchphrase? Explain your choices.

Zac: I would love to be covering professional eating. I wouldn’t need a specific catchphrase, because let’s face it, the double entrendres you can create at a wiener eating contest are endless.

8. You’re a big roller coaster fan. Describe the ultimate fantasy coaster that you would build with all your money from the podcast. Give us a name, location, specific details and it’s reputation among coaster enthusiasts.

Zac: Diamondback, but taller, faster, and with more air. And much more adjacent to my couch. The name would have to be something bitchin’ that they couldn’t call a theme park ride because its too violent or awesome… you know, like, THE MURDERATOR, or SKELETALDEATH. Basically, just find some arbitrary heavy metal band and name it after them.

The Rebirth of a Podcast

I’m a perfectly content 21-year old going into my last year of college.

Thus far, I’ve spent my summer lounging in my parents’ basement in my boxers watching Sportscenter and occasionally finding time for some menial online work.

Not to mention I get to stay up until 4 am every night and wake up at the crack of noon without ever having to worry about missing classes.

That being said, why am I secretly not dreading the return of school as much as I should right now?

I almost feel traitorous to my age demographic for looking forward to September just the teeniest, tiniest bit.

One reason: I’m an overachieving loser who longs for the return of a set schedule and the rigors of homework to prove to myself I still have some self-worth.

That’s a possibility. Not likely, but possible.

Here’s a more likely reason: I’m scheming.

The focus of my nefarious plans shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone who knows me semi-well.

Standing on the precipice of what could be my final year on a college dodgeball team, I want to go out with a bang.

I’ve already made a mild impact with revamping the league’s website and image, as well as founding a team at Western, but I still have a couple more tricks up my sleeve.

My quest to raise college dodgeball to the same level of national prominence enjoyed by football and basketball is like an all-consuming fire.

Or, in the immortal words of my hero Ron Burgundy, “… one great passion that lives deep within my loins like a flaming golden hawk.”

Maybe it was my complete boredom during the dog days of summer, but I felt compelled to share my thoughts and plans with the rest of college dodgeball nation.

The main way I want to help this league expand is something I’ve actually been working on for quite some time.

It’s always been my firm belief that a great way for this young league to grow is through the use of media, particularly the forms of the media that college students can relate to.

But I’m talking about more than the typical “Attend our first home game!” events on Facebook and posting sick headshots on our YouTube channel.

Don’t misunderstand me, those are awesome ways to grow the league and have thus far been very successful at doing just that.

But I’m thinking about something a little different. Something with a little more depth.

What exactly is this brainchild I’ve become borderline obsessed over?

The funny part is that most of you reading this column have already experienced it firsthand in six sporadic episodes spanning the course of last season.

That’s right…I’m talking about Average Joes’ Podcast. The official podcast of the NCDA. A place where everyone seems to get real, freaky naughty.

(Those last two lines are from our intro for those of you scratching your head)

When I first started AJP, I envisioned it as a bi-monthly program that would break down upcoming matches, recap games already played and dissect the game’s biggest issues.

Needless to say, hosting changes, technological restrictions and being a college student in general quickly destroyed my little plan.

Besides that, I always fancied myself a “behind-the-scenes” type guy. It never suited me being out in front of the camera, or in this case, a microphone.

After recording the sixth and final episode a couple months ago, I was torn.

I wanted the show to continue very badly. But I didn’t want it to continue in its current state.

We needed almost a complete overhaul if I was going to be happy with the finished product every time we recorded an episode.

So what did I do?

I got to work.

My first goal was to find hosts who could really capture and maintain the audience’s attention while simultaneously combining wit and actual dodgeball knowledge.

Something akin to the dynamic teaming of Al Michaels (the talent) and Cris Collinsworth (the knowledge) would be perfect.

I had already locked up my good buddy Alex Heichelbech as “the knowledge” after he returned this summer from a semester spent in the Land of the Rising Sun.

His love for the game of dodgeball combined with his command of the microphone made him the perfect fit for this job.

Now, I just needed the talent to make my dream combo complete.

For months, I racked my brain, trying to think of someone who could bring authentic broadcasting talent to our little production.

Then, driving to Lexington one weekend (I always do my best thinking when I’m driving!), it hit me.

A few months earlier, our team had hosted its first ever home game against Miami University.

To make the occasion more entertaining for fans, one of our players had invited his broadcasting buddy to do some announcing for us.

His name was Zac Newton, and as soon as he started broadcasting from behind that cheap microphone we’d provided, I knew WKU Dodgeball had found its voice.

In fact, the game was such a blowout that I look back and consider Zac’s announcing to be the highlight of the whole affair.

After mentally kicking myself for not thinking of Zac earlier, I shot him a Facebook message with the details of my proposition.

Let’s just say it didn’t take long for him to respond with an ecstatic “Yes, please!”

I think it’s also say to safe that I’m giddy about the prospect of having Alex and Zac woo our tiny listening audience twice a month this season.

After that major hurdle, the rest of the overhaul was a walk in the park.

New logo? Check.

Updated intro, outro and transitions? Check, check, check.

Updated hardware and online hosting capabilities to help bring a better quality show to our dedicated listeners? Checks all around.

Heck, I even made myself a shirt to celebrate the rebirth of my beloved podcast.

And come August, I’m confident AJP’s fanbase will be celebrating right along with me.

Virtual Reality as an Actuality

Ask any college player, and they’ll tell you that the great game of dodgeball can really take a physical toll on its participants over the course of a season.

Busted lips, twisted ankles, shoulder tendonitis — almost everyone can attest to the aches and pains this game can dish out from time to time.

In my personal opinion, one of the more underappreciated side effects of our favorite game is the damage done to the poor fingers on your throwing hand.

Thank God we only play this game while we’re in college or our hands would wind up looking like those of an offensive lineman in the NFL.

But as much as we moan and complain about finger pain brought on by the grippy, we’re perfectly happy to burn our fingers out enjoying another favorite pastime of college students: video games.

If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve probably blown off a test or paper to save the world on Halo 3 or duke it out with your buddies on the latest version of Madden.

Speaking of Madden, it’s still amazing to me that the NFL’s marquee simulation is popular enough not only to have its own TV show (Madden Nation), but also its own holiday (albeit one created by advertisers).

I’m convinced that Madden and the NFL have gone hand-in-hand in helping push one another to the top of their respective entertainment heaps.

Which brings me to the topic of this What If installment.

I know it’s the summer, but if you could all please flip your imagination from “Off” to “On,” I want to take you into a world where college dodgeball has finally hit the big-time.

A world where college dodgeball finally has its own video game.

If the above line would be the realization of a longtime dream that you’ve had, you’re not alone.

When I’m not considering the chilling ramifications of a world without the grippy throw, I’ve often devoted hours thinking about the possibility of a college dodgeball video game.

While I’ll spare you the full details, I want to draw your attention to some of the highlights of this exciting alternate reality.

First off, just imagine the impact of a full-fledged video game would have on our up and coming league.

I’m not talking about some kid in his basement putting together a Flash game with stick figures for him and his buddies to enjoy on the Internet.

I’m talking about the royal treatment from a premier video game company like EA Sports, complete with the same fanfare and promotion a new Madden release would see.

Consider for a minute how many millions of people have either seen, heard of or played Madden at some point during their life.

Let’s just say for argument’s sake that half of all Americans meet one of the criteria from the above sentence, meaning close to 150 million people would not look dumbfounded if you brought up Madden in a conversation.

Think about that. 150 million people. That’s mind-boggling. I’d be shocked if 150 people at our university knew that the dodgeball team existed.

Now picture those millions of people coming home from the store and popping NCDA Dodgeball 2010 into their videogame console, eager to see if Grand Valley is still the highest rated team in all the land.

We’d be bona fide celebrities.

Furthermore, the league’s revenue would be off the charts and the media coverage we received would be insane.

Any player besides me fancy tuning in to SportsCenter every morning to check up on their competition and watch a Top 10 that included a sick collection of headshots?

I think every college player across the nation just muttered, “Yes, please” in unison.

As for the game itself, my inner geek has definitely had fun imagining exactly how a college dodgeball simulation would work.

It would truly be a game different from anything we’ve ever played before.

Like I said, I could spend the next 1,000 words laying out the specifics of how I think the game should work, but I think a basic rundown will suffice.

Sticking with the golden standard for sports videogames, I could see controlling a college dodgeball player being very similar to controlling the quarterback on Madden.

Want to make a throw? Picture a pitching meter similar to those found on baseball video games — fill up a quarter of the bar to throw a lollipop or fill it all the way up to unleash a hellacious fastball.

Switching between your blockers, catchers and throwers would be a simple as switching between players on an NBA videogame.

Want to beat the other team to half court on the opening rush? Better tap the turbo button before the ref yells “Go” to get that extra burst of speed.

Use a simple flick of the controller stick to bring the ball up and block when you’re being targeted by the other team, just like how you’d raise your gloves to your face during a boxing match on Fight Night Round 4.

Switch over to the captain of your squad and pull up the in-game menu to call out plays for either offense or defense.

And if you time it up perfectly, hold down the trigger to enter slow motion and annihilate a competitor’s face with a devastating headshot, complete with the knockout physics seen in the aforementioned boxing game.

Are you drooling yet?

Seriously, tell me one other game that could seamlessly combine familiar elements from other sports games like NCDA Dodgeball 2010 would?

It wouldn’t just be the best of both worlds. It would be the best of several worlds.

We all cherish the chaotic and frantic atmosphere of a college dodgeball game.

Anyone who’s played the game knows there’s no other sport that requires you to simultaneously play offense and defense, watching for your headshot opportunities while trying your best to avoid ending up on someone’s highlight reel.

Find a company that can successfully translate that manic energy into the virtual world and you’ve got the single coolest video game of all time.

Before we leave, I want you to spare one final thought for a world in which you could come home after a tough loss to your rival school, turn on your console, and pummel that team unmercifully in virtual reality for their success in the real world.

On second thought, let’s not leave yet — I want to make sure I’m the highest rated player on my team.

Dodgeball’s First Moon Landing

When I was in middle school, there was a poster that hung in my homeroom class that read, “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.”

Corny, no doubt, but the message was clear:

Aim as high as you can when making your goals. That way, even if you come up a little bit short, you’ve still accomplished something noteworthy.

A couple months ago, I made a moon shot in one of my columns.

I titled it “Virtual Reality as an Actuality” and spent the next 1,100 words talking about the possibility of a college dodgeball video game.

I talked about everything, including the implications of such a game on our sport and how such a game might play on today’s consoles.

It was a total fantasy, but like the poster in that classroom, my message was clear:

I want a college dodgeball video game.

Well, we haven’t made it to the moon (yet), but I’m thrilled to announce that it appears the league has landed among the stars.

Back on Sept. 1, I received an email from Morgan Haro, a marketing associate from Hudson Entertainment.

I hadn’t heard of Hudson before, but upon further reading, I found out they’re a video game publisher whose latest release, Deca Sports 2, will be released for Nintendo Wii on Sept. 29.

What does Deca Sports 2 have to do with the NCDA?

Well, for the first time on a modern console, dodgeball will be featured on a video game.

No, you didn’t misread that last line.

Dodgeballers can finally shelve their copy of Super Dodge Ball on the NES because there’s a new virtual counterpart in town.

Deca Sports 2, a Wii Sports-esque compilation game, won’t feature the incarnation of dodgeball we’re using to playing in the NCDA, but that’s not the point.

Morgan wasn’t emailing us to sell his company’s new game.

And instead of telling you what he did say, I’ll just let Morgan speak by sharing the last two paragraphs of his email:

“The reason for my email is to spark discussion on a potential partnership between Hudson and NCDA. The Deca Sports series is known for bringing sports that may not have a strong awareness in North America. Last year, we partnered with the United States Curling Association, the Canadian Curling Association and the Association of Volleyball Professionals, and were able to provide Wiis and copies of the game to all of their events to provide a new form of entertainment at the respective events and at the same time, raise the interest level of the sport at hand with an audience that may not have been interested. Needless to say, everyone came away with a big smile on their face!

I’d like to discuss how cross-promoting and integrating our product can attract more attention and add more well-rounded entertainment at your events and raise the awareness of the NCDA. The idea is to have zero financial transactions here so don’t worry, I’m not after your pocketbooks to have some sort of sponsorship. Just a strong cross-promotion with the foundation being the sport at hand and how it’s featured in the game and in real life. I’m open to discussing ideas, but would welcome the opportunity to introduce DECA SPORTS 2 further.”

Did your jaw just hit the floor? I know mine did the first time I read this.

I talked to Morgan about a week later, and just in case you’re confused, here’s the basic game plan we’re looking at with this potential partnership:

1. Morgan and his guys want to come to our big events throughout the season with big screen TVs, Nintendo Wiis and copies of Deca Sports 2.

2. Once they arrive, they’ll get everything set up and have the game playable for anyone who want to come check it out during the event.

3. For this season, I suggested three events they should attend: the GVSU-SVSU game, the Battle of the Bluegrass between WKU and UK, and Nationals.

4. Here’s the best part: in exchange for allowing something that will likely increase the attendance and entertainment value of our events, the NCDA gets a link on Hudson’s website and a mention in their newsletter.

If everything goes according to plan, it’s my hope that we’ll notice an immediate increase in both visibility and credibility for college dodgeball.

But what about a long-term benefit for both parties?

In a perfect world, Hudson would want to make an exclusive dodgeball game after the rave reviews the dodgeball segment of Deca Sports 2 received.

However, instead of simply stretching their version of dodgeball into its own game, they’d want to create something substantial and unique.

Who better to help them the NCDA, the premiere dodgeball association on the planet?

A little collaboration, some motion capture sessions and voila: Hudson Entertainment presents College Dodgeball makes my dream a reality.

I think it’s safe to say we’ve landed on the moon.

The College Dodgeballer’s Manifesto

Are you the captain of a young team and you want to make an impact during your inaugural year in the NCDA? Or maybe you’re just a new player who’s still trying to figure this whole college dodgeball thing out. Either way, Jazzy has you covered with “The College Dodgeballer’s Manifesto” — 16 things to know if you want to excel in college dodgeball. Have your own suggestions for the manifesto? Send them to ncdadodgeball@gmail.com. So, what are you waiting for? Your dodgeball training starts right here!

1. Be aggressive! This is probably the costliest mistake a young squad can make. Your team must not become too passive or cease to attack. Remember, if you get down, the clock is against you, so you need to attack!

2. No long throws. No player needs to make throws longer than 10-12 ft. Throws longer than that are just an easy catch for the other team.

3. Do not attack alone. If you’re alone, you leave yourself wide open after you throw. So make sure to attack in groups of 2-3. It’s also a smart idea to pair up your best arms with a blocker who can protect them full-time.

4. Aim low. High throws are easy catches. If you don’t use the “grippy” throw, aim between the ankles and the knees, especially when your opponent is backpedaling. If you do use the grippy, try to aim low, even though this can be difficult.

5. Catching is the best way to help the team. Good hands are more valuable than strong arms in this game. Pick out opponents during warm-ups and during the first point that have weak arms. When they throw, try to make a catch.

6. Don’t be afraid to jump. A lot of players try to dodge low throws by lifting one leg or side-stepping them, myself included. If a throw is made at your feet, there is a 100% chance you will avoid it if you jump over it!

7. Stay spread out. Instead of having everyone charge to throw and then retreat to the baseline, you need to spread the floor, attack and then be ready to strike after the counterattack. Teams like GVSU do this very well and that’s one of the reasons they win. Having everyone at the baseline is like lining up for a firing squad- someone is sure to get hit.

8. Know where you are on the floor. No stepping out of bounds or over the neutral zone line, period. Remember: as long as you have one foot in on the sidelines and baseline, you’re fine. But you can’t step over the neutral zone line, so keep your distance. Also, catches must be made with one foot inside the line.

9. Protect your teammates. If you see a teammate that has thrown and is about to be thrown at, move forward and use your ball to block the throw. If you don’t participate in an attack, rush forward to cover your throwers as they retreat back to the baseline.

10. Look for your cross–court opportunities. This is the bread and butter of any good team and where your sneaky players will make their living. If you have a ball, hang back, lay low and wait for your chance. When you see an opponent charge and make a throw from across the court, don’t hesitate! Attack!

11. Stay moving. A moving target is much harder to hit.

12. Throw at the same time at the same person. If you attack in a group, target the same player. One ball is easy to avoid. Several balls are not.

13. Do not throw at opponents holding balls. This one is just common sense. If you are going to make a throw, it had better be at a defenseless opponent. Conserve your arm strength by picking your spots and not making foolish throws that have no chance of getting someone out.

14. Communicate with your teammates. Yell out things you see to alert your teammates. “Guy moving up,” “Gotta ball here,” “Everyone throw at this guy.” More communication will invariably lead to more success as a team.

15. Everyone needs to play their position. Whatever your designation, the best way to help the team is by playing your role. Even though some positions aren’t as glamorous as others, your team will need all positions working together if they’re going to win. To illustrate: a thrower gets 5 opponents out during a game but a blocker keeps 10 of his players from getting out. Which is more valuable?

16. Everyone rush. Unless you’re designated to hang behind, you need to participate in the opening rush. The team that has the balls controls the game. Therefore, your team needs to get as many of the balls as they can.

DWC: Day One

Well here it is…the blog you’ve all been waiting for…DAY ONE of theDWC!!! After one day of about 30 games I am pretty beat up. Because BG didn’t go to Nationals (for a stupid reason might I add) I haven’t played a real game of dodgeball since the tournament we hosted in Febuary causing my soreness to be extremely intense.

I played in two divisions both only using the traditional 8.5″ ball and (drum roll please) one of the teams was all female…that’s right all of us were girls and we did really well against all male teams. I loved playing with my women-folk it was refreshing knowing that there are actually really great dodgeball players that just happen to be women.

On an interesting note two universities were there University of Miami and Oregon State both of which were not at the NCDA level but definitely have potential we should probably get them into the NCDA making the league reach coast to coast…also I think that next year, as kind of a starter to the new year, the NCDA should submit a team or two kind of like an NCDA All-Stars…even if the rules are different most everyone there would be murdered or have some major competition at the very least. I know most of us think the pros can’t handle our league mainly because of the rules they play by but the pros are actually really good and would hold their own in one of our games…anyways just some thoughts as I try to rest for tomorrow’s day of dodgeball…I hope everyone has a great rest of the weekend!

March Madness? Try April Annihilation.

Unless you’ve been in a cave with your fingers in your ears for the past week, you might’ve heard there’s a little college basketball tournament going on nationwide.But just in case you missed it, turn on your TV and flip through the channels until you find the following:

Dream games that place school pride on the line and feature nail-biting finishes sure to leave you with no hair or serious chest pains!

In my dream future, that sentence wouldn’t just apply to college basketball. As I’ve sat and watched the rabid fervor (I refuse to call it madness) that surrounds this tournament, I’ve wondered on several occasions if this could ever happen for college dodgeball.

The optimist in me substitutes the five basketballers on the court with three times as many dodgeballers and 10 times as many balls. The hypothetical announcer (always Al Michaels in my head) can barely contain his excitement as he tries to narrate the explosive action unfolding before him:

“Raymer streaks up the right side of the court… he’s got Parsons and Byrne crosscourt… it’s a three-on-one with four seconds left in the national championship… Raymer leaps and throws… it’s over! It’s over! He’s done it! Western has won the title!”

The scene dissolves as the confetti rains down and I’m swarmed by adoring fans who all want a piece of their dodgeball hero. Yes, I can see how most people would just dismiss this as the delusional fantasy of someone who’s taken one too many shots to the head. But play along with me for just a moment. Insert yourself into my dream scenario. Bathe in the awesomeness of possibility.

Because at this point, I know it’s going to take a huge effort to turn this dream into a reality.

Don’t misunderstand me – the league has A LOT going for it right now. New teams, new rivalries, and a greater national presence have all helped to buoy the NCDA to new heights this season. But like any good high school coach at the dawn of a new season, I say to my dodgeball brethren that we still have much work ahead of us.

I agree with Mr. Bomis that dodgeball will be harder to engrain into the social fabric due to the number of balls flying around at one time and the difficulty that poses for fans trying to follow the action. Then again, I bet a lot of people thought Naismith was pretty stupid for tossing a ball through a peach basket way back when. 118 years later, look at us now – America is totally engulfed in hoops hysteria.

It’s going to seem hard to justify right now, but I say to you with confidence that buying into this league and doing everything possible to help it grow has been one of the best investments I’ve ever made. I know I’ll never see the type of success college basketball enjoys while I’m in school (maybe even while I’m alive), but all great things were built on the shoulders of men who didn’t have to see the end result to be content with their effort.

Don’t believe me? Just try to imagine life without America, sports, moon landings, and beautiful women. God bless the selfless souls who came before us. To use a sports cliché, I truly believe dodgeball can be “the next big thing.” Moreover, I believe that the incredible leadership displayed throughout this league has the ability necessary to help us reach our true potential. It’s not going to be easy. In fact, most of the time, it will probably suck as much as simultaneous shots to the head and nuts.

But I want you to stop for just a second and listen real close.

You hear that?

It’s the sound of destiny and the roar of the adoring fans we have yet to reach. They’re hungry for a sport that encourages facial rearrangement and catches so sick they make a Sportscenter Top 10 look like amateur hour. It looks like it’s almost time to get your brackets ready off in imaginary land.

April Annihilation is coming!

What If: the Grip was never invented?

Fire. The wheel. Modern language. The automobile. TiVo.

History is marked by the advancements that have propelled society forward and pushed the edges of technology into areas once thought of only in science fiction.

In our daily lives, we utilize technology so often we can’t imagine an existence without cell phones, laptops and satellite television.

As college dodgeball players, we’re often guilty of forgetting the unique advancements that make our game the highest level of competitive dodgeball in the country.

The rules, structure and traditions of this great game create a flavor of dodgeball that can only be found at the college level.

Arguably one of the biggest differences (the biggest in this writer’s opinion) between NCDA play and every other variety is the prevalence of the famous “Gorilla Grip” in our games.

Also known as “the Grippy,” “the grip” or “pinching,” the Gorilla Grip is the technique of squeezing the ball that results in faster throws and reduced accuracy (at least in the beginning).

Created by Ohio State legend Greg Funk three years ago, the grip allowed OSU to decimate the competition at Nationals and capture the championship that year.

Since then, it has been adopted by every team and is taught as a fundamental skill in dodgeball, much like proper tackling in football or hitting techniques in baseball.

During games, the biggest indicator of new players is those who throw without the grip.

Good pitchers can throw curveballs. Seasoned quarterbacks can throw spirals. Experienced dodgeballers can throw with the grip.

So, what would the league be like today if the gorilla grip had never been invented?

This little trip down hypothetical lane provides a chilling depiction of an alternate NCDA universe.

Just imagine a game where the hardest throw zooms at you with the same velocity as a football thrown on its side.

Catches would increase dramatically and headshots would lose all significance.

Every throw that couldn’t be caught would be blocked and players could take a quick nap before having to dodge an incoming throw.

There would be no learning curve for people making the jump from PE dodgeball to the college game.

While this may seem good for acclimating new players, the most competitive souls love the challenge of mastering a sport they’re not good at right away.

A world without the gorilla grip would make it even harder to keep players from losing interest once they realized college dodgeball was essentially the same game they’d played their entire lives.

Fan interest would also decrease because, honestly, everyone just wants to see a player get drilled below the belt or above the shoulders.

A game played without the grip would be like watching professional bowling with the gutters blocked off or a NBA game on a six-foot goal.

Worst of all, the WASA dodgeballers from Wreckreation Nation would probably give us a run for our money!

That alone is enough to ensure that Greg Funk will be one of the first dodgeballers enshrined in the NCDA Hall of Fame.

For now, college dodgeball players should be thankful their game has developed its one distinct advantage over other cheap imitations.

Without it, those fogies out in Colorado really would be the cream of the dodgeball crop.

Scary, isn’t it?